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Personal Supposed To’s with Dr. Tanya Cotler

Bite-sized videos from clinical Psychologist Tanya Cotler (mom of 3) going deep on the Supposed To’s she sees most frequently in her practice.


I’m Supposed To spend every minute of my non-work time with my family/kids/partner. Favoring consistency over constancy, to everyone’s benefit.

I’m Supposed To be there emotionally for my friends/ family/extended family; always. Introducing the concept of glass balls and plastic balls and exploring how to set boundaries with the plastic ones.

I’m Supposed To keep an immaculate house. Raising a key question: is this your own sensory issue or is it externally driven? One tactic: a designated area (with a door) for crap.

I’m Supposed To prepare healthy dinners every night. Health matters to most parents, but at what cost? Challenging the centrality of health and offering strategies for how to lower the stress.

I’m Supposed To be the one to take my kids to all appointments, activities, playdates. How to delegate and deal with kids’ feelings when you opt out.

I’m Supposed To be seen as able to do it all. Nope, we’re human. How to treat yourself more gently when you are ready to lose it.

I’m Supposed To exercise intensely and often. Challenging the notion that suffering = success.

The Sophia Project is our corporate program that unleashes working parent talent through Intentional Subtraction.